Family
Can't live with them, can't live without them...so, here's some helpful advice to get you through it.

By Twins Danny and Jessie, 16

Q. I am sixteen and I have to share a room with my sister who is two years younger than me and I hate it. She copies every outfit I wear, everything I say and wants to be by my side every spare minute of her day. I know that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but why can’t she just find her own style? I love my sister and I don’t want to hurt her feelings so how do I let her know that it bugs me when she copies everything I do?
A. Imitation is definitely the highest form of flattery, but we understand how it can be annoying. We think the best thing to do is to try and casually bring it up by not making a huge deal about it. The worst thing is for your sister to feel attacked by you. Say it in a way that encourages her to have her own style like, “I love it when you wear that pink top, its totally you!” In terms of copying what you say, and hanging around with you, that will change with time. Until then try to nicely say that you want your privacy or you need some time to yourself. Hopefully your sister will get the hint and eventually give you a little space. Keep in mind; you are the cool older sis!!

Q. I am 17 and my parents have been divorced since I was 12. My father just recently remarried a 24-year-old. She is nice but it is really creepy to me because she feels more like a sister to me than a step mom. I want my dad to be happy but I also want him to know how uncomfortable I feel when she is listening to my music and wearing my clothes.
A. Divorce sucks and we can definitely relate to the remarriage thing because our parents are in a very similar situation. The best solution we can think of is to talk to your dad. Your dad should be open to hear what you have to say. He will most likely be happy that you are opening up to him. When you talk to him, make sure it’s one-on-one and your step mom is out of earshot. You don’t want her to over hear because naturally she may get defensive. Have a talk with your dad telling him exactly what you told us. It sounds truthful but not hurtful. Also try to figure out with your dad a way for you or him (which ever is more comfortable) to approach your step mom and tell her how you feel. Talking to your dad is a huge step towards making the situation better. Go at a pace that makes you feel comfortable so you don’t get overwhelmed. It may be hard at first to approach him with this, but honestly once you tell him you will feel a trillion times better!

Q. My mom recently had a baby with her new husband. I’m 15 years older than this new baby. There’s no peace and quiet in the house anymore, and she expects me to baby-sit all the time. I have no life! How can I tell my mom that I love my baby sister but I need some quiet time to be me?
A. Man oh Man! We hate to break it to you, but babies are going to be babies, and its part of their job to cry. So what you need to do is find a space for you that is just for you. Even if it is a closet or a bathroom, or your room, it doesn’t matter. Use this place to take a deep breath and get away from the crying. Another good solution to this is music. Pop on the ipod and dance mellow out to your favorite tunes. Just dance that frustration away, its way therapeutic. As for the babysitting, sit down with your mom and work out a schedule. Three days of babysitting in return for three days of “you” time. Maybe one of those “you” days can be for you and your mom while your step-dad baby-sits!

Q. My older brother and I used to hang out and play games all the time when we were little, but now that we’re both older we hardly ever hang out. He’s going off to college next year and I want to spend some time with him before he leaves and let him know that I’ll miss him. How can I do this without looking cheesy?
A. It’s understandable that you are going to miss your older bro. It’s common to miss your older sibling when they go off to college. Honestly, we don’t think that your bro is going to think that you are cheesy if you let him know that you miss him, he’ll be happy you aren’t going to forget about him. But if you want to make sure you don’t sound cheesy, let him know in a casual way, like “I am going to miss having you pick on me” or “I am going to miss being able to play a quick game of b-ball with you”. You can’t go wrong when you speak from the heart. Chances are he is going to miss you and doesn’t know how to tell you either. Just be chill and you won’t be cheesy!

Q. I live with my dad who doesn’t speak much English. It’s hard for him to pay the bills and rent, so I usually do it for him. I’m going off to college next year and living in the dorms. I’m scared he won’t be able to handle things without me. Should I not go away to college and maybe find a school closer to home instead?
A. Absolutely not!!!! This is your time! Your father will be fine. Remember he’s an adult. He will be able to function more then fine without you in the house paying the bills, it’s not your responsibility anyway. We have a lot of the same feelings about leaving our parents behind, and it is hard to leave them when you feel you are their only support. Keep in mind that you need to do what is best for you and your father probably wants that too. College will be a time for you to develop without your dad right behind your every move, and it will be a time for your dad to grow without you there every step of the way. At the beginning it can be scary, but we have full confidence that both you and your dad will manage better then ok. Maybe if you just reassure him that if he does need you for support you are only a phone call or e-mail away!

Q. My parents are super strict—they don’t let me go out during the week and
I have to be in by 9 pm on the weekends. All my other friends get to stay out till 11:00 pm, so I can never go out with them without missing out on things and getting picked up early. I feel so left out. What can I say to my parents to let them know that I’m responsible enough to stay out later?
A. That can be annoying, but then again parents will be parents. So this is what we think you should do to help make this situation more manageable. Approach your parents in a mature way and let them know that you feel old enough to stay out a little later. Don’t make it sound like you are against them let them know you want to work together to find a compromise. Tell them how you are responsible, but make sure your actions show that too. Let them know that nothing is set in stone. Tell them if you mess up then they can always move it back to 9:00. It doesn’t hurt to try something knew.

Q. I think my sister has been sneaking out to see her ex-boyfriend. My parents said she couldn’t see him anymore because he was a bad influence on her (he does drugs and dropped out of school). I agree with them, so should I tell my parents what she’s up too, but I don’t want her to get mad at me?
A. This is a really tough situation to be in, and honestly it is not going to be easy! It’s really good to know that you care about your sister so much. We think if your sister’s safety is at risk, (which it is if her X does drugs), you should for sure tell your parents. But you don’t need us to tell you that because it sounds like you have already answered your own question. It seems to us that you feel it is the best thing to tell your parents, and you are right. Do what you feel is right, even if it means taking the risk of having your sis be mad at you. When your parents sit down to talk to her, maybe ask them if your name can be left out of the conversation. Ultimately, it is really a problem between your sister and your parents, so hopefully you won’t need to get anymore involved then you want to be. Its like you only have your sister’s best interest at heart, so if she does find out that you told your parents, she will be angry, but not forever. Having your sis mad at you for a couple of weeks is so much better than having to bail her out of jail!

Q. My mom just remarried a man who has two children and so far we all get along. Recently my mom has been paying a lot of attention to his kids and kind of neglecting me. I know she wants them to feel at home and help them to adjust to our new family situation, but I can’t help but feel left out sometimes. She made their favorite food for dinner last week and barely said two words to me at the dinner table. Sometimes it feels as if I am invisible. How do I explain to my mom she is hurting my feelings and that this adjustment is hard for me too?
A. We feel your pain!!! Our mom is also remarried, and we have been in a very similar situation. It is natural and normal to feel left out. Other people have invaded your space and comfort zone. You need to find a compromise where you don’t feel left out and the new members of the household feel “left in”. Communication is key in this type of situation because your mom may not even realize how she is making you feel. Make a time to sit and talk to her, (comfort food always helps us, maybe make cookies together?). When you tell her let her know that you understand that it is hard for everyone but it is also hard for you and that you just want to feel part of the family too. We know it sounds corny but use a lot of “I feel…” instead “you make me feel like…”It will help your mom better understand where you are coming from. Hopefully you both can work together to make it better. No worries!!!

Q. I’m a twin just like you two. My sister and I share a room, have some of the same classes, and even play on the same basketball team. I’m afraid that we’re hanging out too much, and should start to make new friends. I want to tell her that I want to find some new friends, but I don’t want her to think I’m ditching her. How can I tell her without hurting her feelings?
A. We understand exactly how you feel! It is totally normal for you to feel this way. If you feel like you want to go out and make new friends then you should. There is no set way for twins to branch out to other people. Welcome new people and experiences without the other but don’t ditch each other totally either. When you feel it is time to talk to your sister about it you can say something like, “how would you feel if we went to the mall with separate friends?” It’s healthy to want to spend time with others besides your family. Remind her that you love her and that no matter what, you guys will always be twins and no friend could replace that. Good luck our fellow twin!!