Friends
Ask our friend advice columnist on everything from friends to foes to everything in between.

By Carolyn Van Ness

SUMMER DILEMMAS
Now that summer is here I’m not going to be able to hang out with my school friends as much because we live further away from each other. What can I do to make sure we don’t lose touch?
There are many ways to stay connected to your school buddies. Make the small effort to keep the lines of communication open. Make a list of the people you don’t want to lose touch with. Each week, at a convenient time when you know you’re usually free (Sunday evenings?) run down the list - email, make a phone call, send a text message, even send an old-fashioned postcard or letter. Snail mail is coming back en vogue. Don't have a cell phone, or don't like paying to send text messages? You can use Instant Messages - type in your friend's cell phone number, putting “+1” and the area code first (for example, +13331234567). Whatever you do to keep in touch, once it’s more regular, it’ll become a nice way to end your week. And a week will give you enough time to be full of details you’re dying to spill to your friends, without letting them forget your name!

2. I’m going to summer camp for the first time and I’m really afraid about making new friends while I’m there. Do you have any helpful hints?
Look at it as a challenge and focus on the great relationships you’ re going to find. Excitement and eagerness will soon replace your fear. A few things to keep in mind: Everyone is in the same boat; no one knows everyone else, and everyone is looking to make new friends. You’re not alone! Keep an open mind; sometimes first impressions can be wrong and might stand in the way of a great relationship. Try to learn as much about the people you’re with in the time you have. Don't pass judgments too quickly, and don't think about it! The less you worry , the more fun you'll have. Finally, you’ve heard it a million times, but that doesn’t make it less true - be yourself!!

3. Every summer, my best friend and I go to the beach with my family for vacation. However, this summer we aren’t as close as we used to be and I was thinking about asking another friend to go either instead or with us. Do you think my best friend will get mad or jealous if I do this?
Chances are, your friend has also noticed the separation growing between the two of you. So it might not be such a big shock to her. However, she still could feel a bit of sadness or jealousy. Remember the sensitivity of the situation. Give her a call to let her know that you’ll be out of town but would love to make plans once you return. Let her know that she still plays an important role in your life by inviting her to do something else with you - a movie, a day at the pool, a bike ride, etc. If she questions you about your vacation plans, just keep your cool. Honesty is the best policy ... and, the key word is tact. Explain that you had been spending a lot of time with your other friend and wanted to take her with you since she had never been to that beach before, or spent time with your family. Be upfront, but be kind - don't rub it in her face. The truth will come out sooner or later, and it’s better for everyone if it’s not when she sees the framed photo of you and your other guest having a blast on the seaside tilt-a-whirl. No one’s denying that it’s a tough situation, but it’s one that many friends have experienced and many friendships have survived!

4. I’m the only one of my friends who’s not taking summer classes or going to summer camp. I’m worried that I’m gonna be replaced by their new summer buddies. Any advice?
You guys are friends because of two things - you've shared experiences together, and your personalities click. Sure, your friend can meet new people, but that doesn’t erase the history and fun times you’ve shared, or change the fact that you get along. So, keep in touch. If you can't reach her directly, send a message. If her summer school is in town, take advantage of the weekends. If she's making plans with her new summer buddies, invite them along too. Chances are, if she thinks they’re fun and cool, so will you.. And if you’re starting to miss the one-on-one times, let her know. Even though group things are fun, it's important to hang out and catch up without other ears around. Find ways to keep a close connection, and your friendship will last.

5. Now that summer’s here, I’ve got a lot more free time on my hands. And since I’m around the house more, it seems it just means there’s more time for my parents to get on my case about how I’m spending my time. How can I make sure these disagreements don’t get in the way of seeing my friends?
Well, ultimately your parents will have the final say about what you’re allowed to do with your time and whom you can see. Fair? Not always. But it’s just a typical fact of life, and one that almost everyone has to deal with. To ease the tension, try to compromise. Is there one concert you’re really hoping to go to? One birthday party you know you’ll be invited to? Or one weekend that you’re really excited about? Let your parents know as far in advance as you can. Be completely honest what you want to do, who’s going, and how you’ re planning on getting there. Show your responsible side by offering to do something extra - clear the dinner dishes each night, or agree to take care of your little sibs for a day. If your original plan gets nixed, ask your parents what they’d be comfortable with you doing. Even if it ends up being a day when you invite some friends over to hang out at your place, it’ll make the distance between you and the fam seem a lot bigger!